“When you’re a single woman in her forties or older, the odds go down for many things. Going down is a good thing in back seats, bedrooms, and elevators. It is not such a good thing when odds go down for things like finding a bathing suit that you can wear in public, keeping your neck from looking like sagging scrotum, and finding genuine love, to name a few. But here I was, twenty years after being in the dating scene flying in at 1.21 gigawatts, coming back to the future where Mars and Venus had merged in ways I had yet to discover. The landscapes may have changed, but at the core, I was confident these planets were fundamentally the same.” (Excerpt from You Want Me to What?! –The Dating Adventures and Life Lessons of a Newly Divorced Woman)
While unbelievable dating stories is one aspect of my book, it also celebrates relationships. There are many best sellers that focus on the differences between the sexes, which are humorously evident in my stories as well, but men and women actually share a lot of the same mishegas! (Yiddish for craziness)
I believe that much of the conflict in relationships is fear based. Fear is the four-letter ‘F’-word that should be washed out of our lives with soap! Sometimes fear can be a good thing, and if we’re smart, it can be our ally. Usually, however, it’s a big fat serving of sabotage on our plate of life.
Fear keeps so many of us from living the life we wish for and deserve, and it keeps us from having the relationship we wish for and deserve.
How many of us are afraid to tell our partner what we need or want?! And why? Because we’re afraid that if we do, they’ll either reject us or leave us. So I ask: if they are not able or willing to provide what you need, don’t you want them to go away?! There is somebody out there who will be willing and able to oblige. Whether it’s showing you love the way you need, not forgetting important dates like birthdays, anniversaries, or a doctor appointment to determine if you have cancer, (yes, that happened); whatever it is for you, don’t settle. Ask for what’s important to you!
Deal Breaker: any issue or factor that is significant enough to terminate a negotiation.
Know your Deal Breakers!
I can’t be with a smoker or someone who’s uncompassionate, negative, needy, controlling, or without a sense of humor. I cannot sleep with cats in the bed, or loud snoring. How’s that for a start? We all must know our deal breakers, and then, know which ones are negotiable and which are not. What are yours? Make a list!
Deal Making: Take the negotiable deal breakers and play let’s make a deal!
For those items that are under your negotiable list, start making deals. Share your ideal scenario with your partner and go from there. Perhaps you can each bend a little so that you both feel as if you are getting what you want. This is a win-win!
Don’t be afraid to say what you want and what you need! Having thoughts like you’re getting too old, the good ones are taken, you’ll be alone forever, keeps you thinking in scarcity gear and will not get you to your ultimate relationship destination! There are roughly 38 million people in California alone. There is an abundance of potential mates.
Thinking in abundance is key. If you settle and stay with someone for the wrong reasons, it’s not fair to anyone. Don’t force the wrong key into your heart if it doesn’t fit; for it will not open your heart to let love fall in. Perhaps this is the key to falling in love?!
Your thoughts?…
