“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.” Tommy, age 6 *

Growing up I had a poster of a much loved teddy bear who had a torn arm, a hole in its neck, and a transparent layer of material that had once been fur. The caption read, “Love Lasts.”  I kept that poster with me into adulthood, perhaps because I wanted to believe that through it all– although we go through rough times and our outer appearance may wear down– love can last. My teddy bear poster hung around long enough to see that my marriage was not destined to last forever. My hopes, however, of being unconditionally loved until, and long after I need new parts, still linger.

Finding ‘The One’ is over a billion-dollar industry. I guess that makes the answer to the question, “What is the secret to long-lasting love?” a billion-dollar answer! I’ve done much research on this subject by trial and error (lots of errors!), surveying people married for over forty years, and reading what old and young alike have to say.

Billy, age 4: “When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.” *

Harville Hendrix Ph.D., and author of relationship self-help books, mentions three things that help define a healthy relationship:

1)   “The primary hallmark of a healthy relationship is having the experience of emotional and physical safety with our partner. They are reliable and predictable and we don’t feel any fear or anxiety around them.”

2)   “We have an experience of a deep connection.”

3)   “When you are with your partner, you feel joyfully alive or relaxed into joyfullness.”

Karen, age 7: “When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.” *

Chemistry in a relationship is also important, as well as knowing the qualities we desire in a partner. However that feeling of safety and connection must be present to have healthy lasting love. To maintain it requires a lot, including expressing how you feel.

Jessica, age 8: “You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” *

Every day I am able to meet all kinds of interesting people at work, so I decided to play ‘Woman on the Street’ and ask couples who have been married a long time, “What is the secret?” Here is a sampling of their answers:

“Be committed to making it work, no matter what.”

“Laugh a lot, don’t take anyone or anything too seriously.”

“Stick together in hard times.”

“Like each other.”

“Choose someone who is a good person.”

“Take getaways together.”

“Marry your best friend. Someone you’d be happy just sittin’ in the mud with. Everything else will eventually become less important.”

“Do as she asks. She’s never asked for anything unreasonable, and she’s always right. Just do as she asks.”

“When we got married, we both agreed that I would make all the major decisions and she would make all the minor decisions. Since we’ve been married, there have been no major decisions!”

Whether it’s out of the mouth’s of babes or the aged, it seems to be unanimous that lasting love is precious. Harville Hendrix puts it beautifully:

“When you read, ‘Here’s what to do to get your man to stay’ or to love you, there’s an outcome you want. In real love, you’re already in the outcome.”

Do you have any secrets to long lasting relationships you’d like to share? Please comment, and please forward this blog to anyone you think will enjoy!!

*Kids quotes source: www.redsoft.com