©2012 Michael Pliskin / pliskindesigns.com
“Wouldn’t it be nice?! Why can’t life be filled with laughter, friends, and witty conversation all the time? When I feel frustrated with life, I want to be able to call my best girlfriends and go out for a drink whenever I need, whenever I feel like it. I want to go drink that drink, have a few laughs, feel better, and have all my problems solved in thirty minutes; well actually twenty because there are no commercials in real life. In addition, like the people on TV, I want to always have nice clothes to wear, hair and makeup done to perfection, eat out all the time but still be a perfect size, ‘I can wear anything and look good.’
“It makes me sad that in real life no one has time anymore. No time to get together for breakfast, lunch, drinks or whatever. Quick texts or e-mails have replaced actual human contact. These are the microwaves of conventional communication. Quick, easy and in less than five minutes, or less than 140 characters, you too can exchange a heartfelt sentiment, make a dinner date, or console a friend. Unfortunately, it just isn’t the same as a slow cooked conversation.” (Excerpt from You Want Me to What?!–The Dating Adventures and Life Lessons of a Newly Divorced Woman)
In all the magazines there are articles about relationships with headlines like, 5 tips to having great _____, 7 ways to avoid ______, top 10 secrets to give the best _____! All of these gripping headlines are devoted to how to select, seduce, satisfy and secure a partner. One partnership that is often ignored in publications is that of friendship.
Friendships. Are friendships as we once knew them going out of style like letter writing, and home-cooked meals (that aren’t catered by Costco or Trader Joes!)? I know that in my own life, finding the time to get together, let alone talk with a good friend, is way more difficult than it should be.
Part of my recent sojourn up to the Bay Area included visiting a few old friends whom I haven’t seen in a couple of years. These friends have been with me through thick and thin, fat and thin …(well, that’s another blog!). These friends have been in my life for almost half of my life. These friends are the ones who no matter how much time goes by, when I see them, it’s like we picked up right where we left off. While I was in town, they took time out of their hectic schedules to pick me up, shlep me around, take me for drinks and dinner, and most importantly share their time with me to catch up on our respective lives. Priceless.
It makes me reflect on my ‘Once upon a time’ friends… especially those I once considered best friends, the ones who I thought would be a part of my life forever. Instead they’re now apart from my life. It’s funny how a mere space between words and a different preposition changes the meaning so crucially. These are separations and divorces of a different kind, but the reasons for demise not so dissimilar: misunderstandings, lack of communication, betrayal, or just growing apart. I wonder how many best friends have gone to see a therapist or a relationship coach, such as myself, to work on a friendship? The bond of a best friend is rare and should be given the attention and maintenance this sacred relationship deserves.
How do we know who will be in our life for the long haul? My 101 year-old Grandma uses the analogy of a train ride. She says that on our train ride of life there are people who get on for just a while, then get off. Some stay for a bit longer but eventually exit as well. And some, stay with you to the end of the line.
Planes, trains and automobiles receive maintenance on a regular basis, or they could crash and burn. Why should we expect our relationships to keep on truckin’ without an extended service plan? Our valued friendships need to be nurtured so that we can continue to ride together on the track of life until the last station. Yes?
Another excellent blog. Always wisdom and lots of plain old good advice and observations. Friendships need renewal and honesty in the same way that primary relationships do. This is a good reminder to keep our friendships going. We often take them for granted. Thanks once again, Nancy!
You hit the nail on the head. Friendships take nurturing and it is really important to stop and take the time to make those connections real. I have found that the web connection has been a help in keeping me in touch with relatives and friends who are thousands of miles away and I’ve had more frequent contact with these loved ones because of the internet but truth be told I cherish more the “old fashioned” letters I receive from my 90 year old aunt who stubbornly refuses to become computer literate. It is that personal touch that the computer just can not give.
I like the train analogy… Thanks
Thank you Toni! I do agree with you. I think in many ways the Internet has helped us all keep in touch, especially with those not involved in our daily lives. However, I also think it may make it a little too easy, keeping us from picking up the phone to hear a loved one’s voice, or from writing. I have already heard from an old friend by e-mail who after reading the blog, reached out to say hi! So, whatever mode of communication it may be, if this helps people reach out to someone they miss, or haven’t said ‘hi’ to in a while, I’m thrilled! Isn’t life all about our relationships with those we care about?
A good friend passed away about 10 years ago and several hundred people showed up for the funeral. We shared stories,food and good memories. But why were so many there? There were friends from childhood, all along the road ( or train) of his life. The reason we decided was that he was someone who knew how to pick up a phone and keep in touch. Not just a call with a purpose but just to say hello and see how you were doing.
So make the effort with the friends you want to along for the whole ride.
So true Sandy! Our lives can be so much more enriched by taking just a minute to let someone know you’re thinking of them!Thank you!