Dictionary.com says: Happiness results from the possession or attainment of what one considers good. A line from a song in the musical Wicked says: “Because happy is what happens, when all your dreams come true!”

While I value the accessibility of dictionary.com and I adore Wicked, I don’t think these are the most accurate, or empowering definitions of happiness. I believe these enable the common thought process of I’ll be happy when….

“Obtaining happiness, like balance, seems to be a universally never-ending process. We’ll be happy when: we have the better husband, wife, car, job, clothing, house, lose ten pounds, or get that part in a TV show. Our eye is only focused on the prize, not usually on the adventure getting to the prize. Ironically, once we get whatever or wherever we want, there is always something else, something more. The trick is to be able to find happiness the way things are, even if circumstances aren’t exactly how we envisioned.”(Excerpt from You Want Me to What?!—The Dating Adventures and Life Lessons of a Newly Divorced Woman)

Is it possible to be happy when circumstances in our life are not how we want them to be? Can we still be happy when we’re unemployed, sick, or in the process of a divorce? The answer is… yes! For most of us however, positivity is the underdog when put in the ring with heavy hitters like worry, resentment and anger. We don’t have to choose to let negativity tap us out  (MMA term for when your opponent has you in a chokehold about to make you lose consciousness) and be victorious. We have a choice. We may not always be able to control what happens to us, but we are able to choose how we think and how we react.

Just last week Valerie Harper announced that she has 3 months to live. Her attitude is unbelievably inspiring:

“I’m alive. I’m feeling good. I’m trying to live every moment as much as I can.” I can’t say it’s terminal. I’m saying it’s incurable so far, but we’re all terminal. No one is getting out of this alive,” she says. “The key is, don’t go to the funeral until the day of the funeral.”

Living each day as if it could be our last may just help  in getting us to happy; and truly, all any of us has is right now. Perhaps if we did act as though it could be our last day, we would feel more grateful. (Studies of gratitude show that by remembering what we are grateful for helps immensely with depression.) Perhaps we would also appreciate the ‘ordinary’ things in life  more like a nice breeze, soft sheets, or the smell in the air after it rains. We don’t need to search for happiness. Just like in The Wizard of Oz, the courage, the heart and intelligence the characters were searching for were inside each of them the whole time.

“Happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude.” – Dale Carnegie

By understanding and accepting that happiness is already inside us, experiencing it externally can occur more often. It is more work to resist the pull of negativity and make the effort to find the silver lining in your playbook of life. Are you willing to do this? Feelings of gratitude, forgiveness, appreciation, kindness toward ourselves, spending time with special people; these are all pathways to access our internal happiness button. So, what are you waiting for? Are you going to find your way there and push it?