“You look so fat!,” “That was so stupid,” “You’re a moron,” “You look like shit!,” “What an idiot!,” “You look so tired and old,” and “You should have known better, you shouldn’t have said that!”

Would you ever talk to a good friend like this? I dare say you would not.

So, I beg to ask the question: Why do we talk to ourselves this way?

 A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. —Mahatma Gandhi

I would venture to guess that most of the time we’re not aware of our ongoing inner monologue. I would also bet that we aren’t always aware of what we’re hearing outside of our head either. For example, have you ever found yourself humming a song that you didn’t even realize had been playing in a store?

Whether we realize it or not, many of us have our own radio station playing within our heads 24/7. This particular station has a very strong frequency, and generally plays a lot of crap that messes with our mind. I call it KFUK radio. It plays and re-plays negative messages and thoughts that ultimately sabotage our efforts to succeed at anything.

You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.—James Allen

Just like the song playing in the store that we subconsciously hear, these repeating self-defeating messages seep into our psyche whittling away at our self-confidence, self-appreciation, and self-esteem. This ultimately takes a toll on our self-worth and makes self-love more challenging.

The power of thought has been written and philosophized about for years. Once again, awareness is key. Pay attention. If KFUK radio is playing the ‘you’re a fat unsuccessful loser’ song, or the ‘ you should have or you shouldn’t have’ song, turn it off!

“It is not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.”’—Author Unknown

Dr. Albert Ellis, creator of rational emotive behavior therapy coined the term “shoulding,” emphasizing how destructive ‘shoulds’ can be. He advised to avoid “shoulding” on ourselves as often as possible.

I’d like to propose a change to the golden rule. How about, “Do unto yourself as you would do unto others!”

So much of what we read (and write) about is in regard to our relationships with others and how to make these relationships thrive and be successful. For others, we will go to great lengths to be polite, considerate, tolerant and patient. For others, we want to be the best father, mother, sister, brother, daughter, friend and partner. If you stop and think for a minute, this is actually putting the cart before the horse.

The most important relationship for us to nurture is the one with ourself. In order to be a good anything to anyone, we must first get to a place where we are comfortable with who we are. If we don’t love ourselves, how can we love others?!

The instruction we receive on an airplane is a great analogy to life. You must give yourself the oxygen first! If you don’t take care of yourself first, you simply cannot be there for others. So many of us work hard to provide for our families, never taking the time to do something for ourselves that would bring us enjoyment. There is a little girl or boy inside each one of us ‘grown ups’ that needs to be taken care of and nurtured. Give that inner child a hug and let them come out to play!

Try treating yourself as you would your best friend. Allow yourself the benefit of your kindness, love, patience and generosity. You deserve it!

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” —Lucille Ball