The other day, my friend (let’s call her Sally), met a man (we’ll call him The Man), while she was having dinner with a girlfriend. The Man knew Sally’s girlfriend, so he stopped to say hello as he was leaving the restaurant. Evidently, the girlfriend didn’t get two words in as Sally and The Man had fun bantering back and forth; seemingly forgetting anyone else was there.

Sally told me she felt like a schoolgirl. She didn’t want him to leave. She felt an immediate attraction to him both physically and intellectually, and couldn’t stop thinking about him. There was one problem: She didn’t know what to do next, or whether to do anything at all. Would it be inappropriate to get his number? Would it be too forward to ask her friend to see if he was interested?

Where was the guide for off-line dating?!

40 million people in the U.S. have tried online dating* to find love. We have become more familiar, and I believe more comfortable, with the process of ‘courting’ online than with wooing someone organically without the aid of an electronic device. Online, you can “poke” or “flirt;” or if you’re more adventurous, actually e-mail someone. I think we’re losing an aptitude for relating with each other the old fashioned way—in person.

It has become too easy to hide behind the computer or smart phone when meeting potential partners. People feel very safe being the person behind the screen, and it’s easier to say things and be vulnerable when not looking someone in the eye. I fear that the more we communicate via all of our not-so-social media, the less comfortable we will be when interacting without a screen protector. This takes ‘using protection’ to a whole new level!

With all our technology today, not only are our muscles atrophying (our fingers do most of the walking), but also our social skills are stagnating… especially when it comes to expressing our emotions and desires. So many of us are very happy to let the keyboard do the talking.

A man recently asked my opinion regarding the length of time people should take to get to know one another online before meeting in person. It was his opinion that people rush to meet, and that it’s better to take more time emailing and talking before meeting. I say it doesn’t take long to know if you’re interested, and that there is a breaking point for waiting too long. If you do, the other person can feel a lack of interest or enthusiasm.

In the old days, before the Internet, people were either fixed up or met socializing, then went out on a date. It was that simple. They didn’t have an artificially intelligent machine with a direct line to a matchmaker in the sky that sent them thousands of photos of men and women whom they could peruse and pursue. They couldn’t push a button and send a pre-written note that showed they were interested. They couldn’t send an instantaneous message to flirt or titillate. They didn’t know ahead of time if the person liked to take walks on the beach, or go to the theatre; they didn’t know their salary range, or their idea of a perfect first date. People got to know each other by being with that person and talking to them. What a concept!

Today, however, we’re all busy and don’t have much of an opportunity to meet others. If you’re like many singles looking for a date from the icloud in the sky, use good sense, don’t hide behind the computer for too long, and go for it!

• Don’t be shy, contact someone if they interest you.

• Ask questions, and if you feel a comfort level, set a time to talk.

• Be yourself! If you feel safe, and feel a connection, meet somewhere in public when and where you feel comfortable.

However, if you’re like Sally, and you have the rare opportunity to meet someone in person that you’d like to go out with, consider the following:

• Find a way to let them know!
• Take the risk!
• What’s the worst that can happen?

As for Sally and The Man, I believe the plot is still unfolding. She does not yet know if he’s interested, but realizes if she doesn’t put herself out there, she’ll never find out. As I told Sally, my motto has always been, “It never hurts to ask!”

Any comments? 

*www.statisticbrain.com