Do you know?
I’m not talking about the why as in “Why won’t you have sex with me tonight?” Or as in, why the hell did the Bachelorette fall for the one guy who didn’t love her? Not even the whyyyy I would routinely and persistently ask when I was young (ok, at times it sounded more like a whiiiine) to challenge my parents, teachers, or any authority figure when I didn’t get my way. No, I’m referring to a much bigger Why.
In journalism class we learn that a story is not complete without answering who, what, why, when, and where. Without filling in the blank to each of these, a story will have missing parts and questions left unanswered.
In the class of life, discovering our Why is the driving force to our own personal story. Our Why is bigger than a goal; it’s more a sense of purpose, it’s why we’re here. It is what fills your soul and makes you feel truly happy and joyful. Once the Why is answered, the What, When, and How’s ultimately fall into place.
…And tell me where,
Where is it written what it is I’m meant to be,
that I can’t dare to have the chance to pick the fruit of every tree,
Or have my share of every sweet-imagined possibility?
Just tell me where, tell me where?
This song “Where is it Written?” from Yentl, has been a huge part of my musical therapy over the years. If Babs only knew how many times this song has erupted from the core of my frustrated soul into a belt of fire breathing notes.
Figuring out our Why is easier for some, than others. Psychology professor Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi* says, “People are happiest when they are in a state of flow, which entails concentration to the point of complete absorption in an activity. The accompanying feelings, such as fulfillment, engagement and motivation, supersede our usual concerns like hunger, worry and regret.”
Some people refer to this as being in the zone; when you are so absorbed in what you are doing that the world around you ceases to exist. I felt that way when I was performing, and I feel that way when I’m writing. All the white noise in our lives is muted when we are doing what we love. This allows us to just be. To be in the moment and focused on what brings us joy.
Renowned Life Couch Martha Beck** says, “Go straight for the joy.” She adds, “When we live mindfully, noticing and following our good feelings, we discover what makes us truly happy. We discover our purpose. While that may temporarily translate into difficulty and fear, we have the choice to approach these not as obstacles, but as the paths that lead to joy.”
Once again, we are reminded of the power of our choices.
Fear can keep us from exploring our Why. Fear of changing our life as we know it (even if we’re not happy), fear of what others will think, or fear of things not working out the way we hope, all keep us from discovering Why we’re here.
I propose that the best way to handle our four-letter ‘friend’ is to write it a note:
Dear Fear,
I realize you will be a constant companion in my life, and at times you will be there to protect me against dangerous situations. However, if you attempt to prevent me from living my life to its fullest, I will merely look at you, acknowledge your presence and continue moving forward in a positive direction toward living a fulfilling life.
Most Sincerely,
The One in Charge
The most direct route to finding our Why is to follow what gives us joy. That is when fear, worry, anger and all negative monsters have no voice or power because you are in your zone. Taking time for silence each day is a way to quiet our fears and be in touch with where we are and where we need to be. Listen to your voice within. The answer lies there.
*Author of, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience
**New York Times best selling author and columnist for O, The Oprah Magazine
