The song “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” was released in the month and year my daughter was born. Hearing the calming reggae rhythm soothed my newbie mommy nerves, and its message reminded me to ‘chillax!’

“In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double
Don’t worry, be happy”—Bobby McFarren

For many people, not worrying can be very challenging. Most often we worry about things that we either can’t control, or that will probably never happen. Thoughts such as, ‘What will they find in this year’s mammogram?’ ‘What if my child gets in a car accident on his road trip?’ ‘Now that I’m divorced, what if I don’t have enough money for retirement?’

‘What if?’ thoughts and concerns are a common precursor of anxiety for many people– adults and children alike. ‘What ifs’ create problems before they exist, and can actually bring us more of what we don’t want.

Fear often accompanies worry, and when intricately woven together they create a weighty blanket shielding us from nothing.  This cloak of concern does nothing to protect us from disease or disaster and only weighs us down, preventing us from being truly happy and healthy. While some concerns are real and legitimate, taking action to change what we are actually able to change is an alternative to worry.

 “Worry does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, it empties today of its strength.”—Corrie Ten Boom

While intellectually we may realize that worry is a thief, it is sometimes difficult to avoid tripping and falling into the worry pit, getting caught in the downward spiral heading toward worst-case scenario. Once landing in worst-case scenario, it’s pretty much like quick sand where you sink deeper and deeper, finding it harder and harder to climb out.

For some, worry carries with it superstitions that if we don’t worry, something bad will happen, or that if it does happen, we will be more prepared. Brene Brown calls this, foreboding joy:

 “The truth is, that you can’t practice tragedy and it doesn’t make us feel better. We’re not more prepared when something bad happens. What we do end up doing, however, is squandering the joy that we need when hard things happen.”

I met Harry a couple of years ago. He was 80-something and he clearly knew how to live in joy even during a very challenging time. Harry was married at that time for 61 years to his childhood sweetheart. When he mentioned her, his eyes beamed with love and adoration, and his smile transformed his face to that of a young man talking of his first love.

Harry was battling cancer of the eye and ear, and his wife was recovering from serious surgery. He brought tears to my eyes when, with a big smile on his face, he said, “But you can’t just sit on the couch and cry and worry! You have to get out, enjoy life, and make the most of it!” Harry wasn’t about to waste his precious time worrying.

For all the times I worried over what might happen, I felt ashamed. For all the times I was immobilized by fear of something imagined, or for the times I let ‘what if’s’ prevent me from doing something, I felt regret.

“Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.”– Rent, the musical

Worry, regret, and fear keep us from enjoying life to the fullest. These toxic enemies of all things joyful prevent us from being happy, productive, successful, and healthy individuals.

Thank you Harry for the reminder. I hope you and your sweetheart are together, wherever you are.