ron@compugds.com

“After my divorce I was living in the town of limbo, which was located in the land of uncertainty. I wanted a map to tell me how to get to a destination unknown, but one where there was good health, unconditional love, and financial security. Too much to ask?” (Excerpt from You Want Me to What?! –-The Dating Adventures and Life Lessons of a Newly Divorced Woman)

When I was young and frustrated with life, I’d close the door to my room and sing with Barbra Streisand; no actually I’d belt out her songs in full chest voice at the top of my lungs. The soundtrack to Yentl was a particular favorite; I suppose because the passion of a woman unfulfilled somehow soothed whatever angst aggravated my soul at the time. One song in particular that proved to be very therapeutic was “Where is it Written:”

“… Why have the wings unless you’re meant to fly? And tell me please, why have a mind, if not to question why? And tell me  where, where is it written what it is I’m meant to be…”

The frustration of not knowing my life’s direction was constant. Some of us know our purpose in life when we are young. Some take longer to figure it out, and for many, our purpose is ever changing.

Last weekend on a trip visiting family and old friends, (thank goodness for Bar/Bat Mitzvahs that keep us reuniting!) this subject came up quite a bit. I must admit it was comforting to know that there are many others who are contemplators of purpose or wondering, what is next?

It was obvious that this question had no age barrier, and making a transition in life at any age or stage is not easy. Pre-college kids were confused about their major and what they wanted to do with their lives; empty nesters were deciding whether or not to relocate, and how to reinvent themselves. Those mid-career were feeling stuck, unmotivated or scared, and seniors were figuring out how to move on after illness and death. The chatter of shifting lives and re-inventing oneself rang through the air as loudly as the party music.

While I often like to see what the ‘experts’ say, I think hearing opinions and insights from wise youngsters to seasoned seniors can be very beneficial:

• “You choose a path. Sometimes your path takes an unexpected turn. Sometimes you stay put for a while and then you go down another path. Just keep your eyes open for all opportunities.”

• “Follow your passion. There is work to be found in the area that you are passionate about. You may have to start at the bottom and work hard, but if it’s an area you love, you won’t mind as much.”

• “Don’t let fear, or fear of change keep you from pursuing what you want to do. It’s easy to rationalize and procrastinate. Don’t! Go for it! You’ll only fail if you don’t try!”

• “Do what makes your eyes light up and be willing to do the work and make some sacrifices. Do what brings you joy, not what you think you should be doing or what other people think you should be doing.”

• “I read that following your passion will lead you to your purpose. I think that’s true, even if it’s not what you do for work, have it in your life in some way. If your soul is fulfilled even by a hobby, you can withstand any job.”

• And a classic with a twist: Life is what happens when you’re not making plans!

The night I received my engagement ring many years ago, a waiter came to our table and said, “Bon courage swive la piste,” which means, with courage follow the signs. He told us we might get lost from time to time, but the sign- posts will be there. Okay, so it didn’t work for my marriage, but I do believe if we keep our eyes open we will see the signs that point where we’re supposed to go.

ron@compugds.com

“What is our purpose in life? How do we figure it out? How do we get on the right path? What if we don’t succeed? What if we fail? Too many questions of ‘how’ and ‘what if’ waste time and immobilizes us, clouding our vision and our ability to see where we need to be. Instead, be present in each moment in order to keep moving forward one step at a time. If we pay attention to where we are, we will be aware enough to see the signs and ultimately end up where we need to be.” (Excerpt from You Want Me to What?! –The Dating Adventures and Life Lessons of a Newly Divorced Woman)